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Much Ado about Gallbladders

02-Jul-09

I was in an educating mood when I wrote yesterday’s page about the elusive gallbladder, one of those non-vital organs one never really stops to consider unless the organ in question is not functioning correctly, or one has a friend who is facing a surgery as I had.

I was amazed how few personal accounts there are from bloggers who have had this relatively common procedure. Of course, I was not really able to sit at the computer for almost a week after the initial surgery. But I did have sporatic time in which I was conscious, bored, and actively looking for such personal tales, comparing my experiences with theirs.

I wrote my page on the topic, as I was quickly learning much more about my gallbladder than I had ever cared to, and I thought the information might be useful to others. I linked to a few YouTube videos featuring some of the procedures I had performed on me, for those who aren’t squicked by such things. I did refrain from linking to a video showing the procedure itself–some things, one must search for by oneself.

Summer

01-Jul-09

The weather has turned very warm here–it’s still uncharacteristically cold at night, but during the day, I seek to be in shorts as much of the time as possible. As a young adult, I wore tennis shoes a lot, and always with socks, because my feet felt uncouth and naked without them. I watched women running around in shorts and flipflops or strappy shoes, and decided I’d like to do that, and have since–now I feel wierd wearing tennis shoes and socks with shorts.

The sky, devoid of clouds, reminds me of the weather I experienced in San Jose, CA, when I visited there for a week in the summer of 2000. Thereafter, whenever I was in a lush green place with a bright azure sky above, I’d call it California weather. Now, living on a hillside amidst the trees, a light breeze wafting in the living room window, a broad expanse of sky above, I love imagining I’m there again.

In the Pacific Northwest, where I grew up, we’d have a short stint of sun for a couple of weeks in June, and then it would cloud up again until the middle of July. I’d always joke, when people commented that the 4th of July was cloudy, “Well, we had our allotment of sun already for the year.” Rueful chuckling would ensue.

I will begin bemoaning the sun in August and September, when the air is a lot dustier, smoggier, and oppressive with heat nearing 100°F. For now, it’s warm without being overly so, and I love it.

Flies

30-Jun-09

There are many flies that loiter around the balcony. It’s a constant struggle to keep them out of the sliding glass door leading into my bedroom.

As the druid smokes, sometimes a fly or two will enter into the apartment with his comings and goings. Sometime later, I’ll see the fly sitting mournfully upon the screen door, wanting out.

More often than not I’ll walk over, and herd the fly out the door by cracking the screen open and sliding my hand along, encouraging it to fly through the open door back to freedom outside.

I’m always amused when the freed fly then sits on the outside of the screen, looking as if it wants back in.

Eh, perhaps it’s just amusing to me.

Saturday Smile

27-Jun-09

Today, I am smiling that I feel much more normal after having surgery a couple weeks ago, I ate full complete meals, I sat at the computer and did meaningful things, and I was finally able to shave my legs again. lol

Smiley Saturday invites one to share the things that made one smile.

The Worst Birthday Gift Evar

27-Jun-09

Well, I was mysteriously quiet for a while there, wasn’t I.

Okay, sooooo, around the time of my birthday, I was feeling crummy and stuff. Four days later, June 18, I was feeling crummy again to the nth degree. It was way not cool. So not cool that I informed the druid that I had to go to the ER. A friend of ours drove me there. And there, I was informed that I was getting a cholecystectomy. Well, guess my morning was going to go a bit differently than I thought.

The surgery went well (as far as I can tell, my part was fairly easy, I lay there sleeping with my mouth open), I was eating solid food as soon as they let me, and after an evening lounging around the swanky hospital ward, they shoved me out the door for home the following morning. For that first day I was functional, and more or less present and stuff.

For the next five, my body started shutting down. I couldn’t stay awake, and as I got weaker, I could eat and drink less and less. I had a huge strep thing going on as well, which was making my fever spike very high. The druid watched me drift further and further away from myself, and talked to our CNA friend in a high worried tone of voice, but could not convince her that my health was really that bad.

The following day, I became alarmed that my life was fading from me, and made the decision to call 911 and get seen. I’m glad I did, I think if I had waited much longer, I’d've slipped into something I couldn’t get out of. They rehydrated me with three full saline bags, sent me home, and for whatever reason, that rebooted my system. I was suddenly alert again, and there was progress as my disgestive system finally made an effort to work again.

I’ve greatly improved each day, and hopefully soon the surgical scars will heal enough that I can again sleep in the same bed as the druid. Just today I was able to sit at the computer and do stuff for much of the day. I hadn’t had the energy to sit at the computer previously.

I just thought I’d stop by the blog and document why I’d been missing for a week and a half.

Flash

18-Jun-09

A bit earlier last evening, I was still feeling fragile from that whatever it was I’d experienced for much of the last week, but managed to wrestle myself out of bed and make myself presentable and hospitable to a friend of the druid who had come to visit and watch a movie with us.

Somewhere in there, I had to use the bathroom, and upon exiting, the friend was just outside the doorway, and lunged at me. He laughed as I squeaked, and then watched somewhat bemusedly as I dove past him and buried myself in bed, shaking violently. I explained as soon as I had control of higher brain function again, “PTSD, it’s fun!” He was all sorts of whoa and taken aback.

My hateful, abusive ex had a habit of lunging out from behind a wall, a door, or otherwise out of view, yell something while standing less than six inches away, his eyes white and bulging, delighting in my cowering reaction. He’d take my throat, or both shoulders, and slam me up against something, and beat on me.

People over the years have asked why he’s done this and other things to me. I can only shrug and say self-depreciatively, “If I could have figured that out, I would have definitely tried to figure out ways to avoid experiencing that.” You can’t really explain abuse. One cannot get inside the head of someone like that, and I really didn’t care to. I didn’t want to empathize or understand it. I just wanted it to stop, to get away from it, to do whatever I could to avoid it.

At my last place of employment, my supervisor was fond of jumping out from behind aisles, much as the druid’s friend did. She was the mother of three boys and such antics were apparently common in her household. I didn’t find it very professional or amusing. It certainly didn’t endear me to her. Especially when I told her it reminded me of my ex’s abuse and she made a point of doing it often. “I’m trying to teach you to react to it differently,” she’d cackle as I again squeaked, dropped whatever item I was trying to stock, and ran away from her before my flight reaction turned into the adrenaline rush to instead fight. “Oh, grow up!” she’d chide. “I’m helping you!”

The druid’s friend was much more empathetic and apologetic last night, at my unintended, triggered flashback. I’ve taken a zen-like approach to it–it’s bound to come up in my life, when people think they can do that to people they don’t know. I don’t think ill of his friend and I trust he won’t likely try that again.

I just sigh that periodically and without warning, triggered flashbacks like that are going to happen. I’ve come a long way in the past two years with dealing with the repercussions of years of hard, physical abuse. Obviously I have a ways to go to get to a point where I’m reacting to something inane, like being spooked, in a healthy way. I’m apparently still prone to being slammed back into the old way of surviving, namely covering the most vital organs and assuming the most submissive posture possible.

For a half hour after being spooked last night, I held the druid’s hand, my fingers twitching quite beyond my control.

Living with violence for twelve years certainly made a lasting impression on me. :P

Summer Memories

15-Jun-09

Throughout my school-aged years, my parents would drag my sister and I throughout the countryside on various summer romps. They’d usually schedule one major trip, and a bunch of little ones, whenever their schedules cooperated to do so.

In 1984, I went to Disneyland. And quickly learned that I did not like fast rollercoasters. I’m a bit better about them now but I still avoid them to a high degree.

In 1995, my family went to Crater Lake, in Southern Oregon. That place was imprinted upon my soul as a spiritual experience. It was marred on the last day by the drowning of a kid who wouldn’t keep out of the very large, fenced off koi pond.

There were countless camping trips near and far. Sometimes we went with other families and had a week-long shindig out in the remote wilderness. When I was old enough to get my license, I was often sent ahead to set up a dinky dome tent to reserve a prime space that my dad particularly coveted. I remember one year, my dad waited for me to remove the tent before he backed up the trailer, to which the lady waiting for the trailer to get out of her way yelled at me for removing the tent.

“Hey, someone is camping there!!” she poked her head out of the car to make sure I heard her. “They paid for that!! STOP!”

I gave her a look. “This is our tent…”

“That’s–that’s not fair! Someone could have camped there last night!”

“Someone did,” I explained, continuing to roll up the tent. “We paid the fee for this spot and it was obviously occupied.”

“That’s no fair!” she yelled, and would have said more but at that point, my dad got out of the truck to see what was holding me up.

I remember one year, we camped at a very remote lake in a very primitive campground. It was eerily empty and full of dead trees, and in the night my dad reported there were two bears sniffing around the camper.

Sometimes we spent a weekend, up to four days, at the local hot springs resort. They have cabins as well as trailer/tent spaces, and we tried both over the years, though the trailer option was cheaper. We’d go swimming for 6-8 hours at a time, my parents would go melt in the hot spring-fed tub, while I would spend the totality of my time in the very large, deep, slightly cooler pool. Since I’d never been taught to swim, I looked ridiculous in my goggles and noseplug, but it enabled me to dip my head below and I spent as much time under as possible.

My parents used an old green, smelly army tent when my sister and I were small. As we grew, we wanted more modern arrangements, and my parents were frankly happy to have an excuse to drag something larger with us, and so they got themselves a used but useable fifth wheel trailer which someone had lived in for a number of years and had completely gutted the inside and made it look almost like a home–the main bedroom was above the hitch, and leading up to it was a small stairway, with a wrought iron bannister and all. I loved that staircase, off to one side from the “living room”, it looked so much like a real home. Years later, as the trailer outlived its usefulness to us, my parents went to the region’s largest RV show in the area, and ended up buying a brand new, slightly smaller but still neat, two-axle trailer. Most of my camping memories concern that trailer.

There have been many interesting views outside those trailer windows, including ocean, mountains, dusty desert, lush green valleys, familiar properties, remote campgrounds. My parents sold it a few years ago, now that my sister and I were married and definitely out of the nest. I’m not sure if they still camp, and if so, where and what in.

When I have a steady job and sufficient savings, I want to get not only a car, but the plans to make myself (and the druid) a teardrop trailer, a miniature thing that the smallest car can drag behind it, that sports a bed, and a kitchen. You’re on your own for a toilet, but it’s certainly sufficient for anything else. But yeah, infinitely usable and you can build it yourself very cheaply.

Though a tent is lighter. ;)

I hope that when the druid and I take that trip to our childhood home, that we can take the time to camp in a few different places. I have the spots already in mind. All we need is the tent, and the blow-up air mattress I am too spoiled to be without, hehe.

I don’t like the summer for the temperatures above my personal comfort level of about 80°F, but I do enjoy the opportunity to surround myself in more primitive, remote, less-populated places.

As long as there’s a flush toilet. *snickers*

I’m participating in my own meme, heh, Monday Memory. I chose to freewrite again on the topic of summer.

Monday Memory #2: Summer

15-Jun-09

Monday Memory invites you to answer questions regarding your life’s memories. Play along by leaving a comment with a link to your entry, or comment by answering the questions directly if you don’t have your own blog. You may answer the questions posted, or you may choose to use your imagination and write about the theme. A story, a poem, a stream-of-consciousness scribble, it’s all good!

Today’s entry deals with summer.

I live near a few universities and colleges, and recently reflected on this time of year, when students finish their finals and graduate, or travel home for the summer, or slam every business in the city looking for summer work.

  • Do you have any grandiose plans for this summer?
  • What is the one best thing you ever did during one particular summer?
  • Pretend you’re going back to school this fall, and you must write an essay about what you did this summer. What would you mention in the essay?

You may instead choose to freewrite about your memories of summer in general.

Link to your entry in the comments. Or, feel free to answer any or all of the questions directly in the comments, if you haven’t a blog of your own!

A Gift for the Absurd

14-Jun-09

“My turn of mind is so given to taking things in the absurd point of view, that it breaks out in spite of me every now and then.” — Lord Byron

Last night, the druid and I were snuggling in each others’ arms, when he started humming and murmuring lyrics from the song “Into the West”.

Of course, I had to interject, “But our room faces east!”

He pretended to bop me on the head. “Don’t mar that song.”

He and someone else has this thing about bears, and somewhere along the line they started saying, “Mar!” to each other to denote affection.

So I had to be a twit and say, “But, butbut there are no bears in that song!” which earned me another bop.

My humor is weird.

One night, my roommate and a friend of ours were sitting with me near the back of a bar one night while horrible amateur comics were on stage trying to make jokes out of rape, paedophilia, racism, and other topics that the professionals know better than to use.

Anyway, this one groaner was up there blathering about his genitals, how they shrink in cold water, and then as a side note mentioned that there’s a creature that lives in the ocean with the biggest male organ in relation to its body.

I leaned over to our friend and said in a deadpan voice, “Geoduck.”

She knew exactly what I was referring to, spit out her beer, and just about fell out of the booth, laughing hysterically. We looked at my roommate, who was looking at us, amused, but unenlightened. We instructed her to google the word and find a photo to be let in on the joke.

She found quite the photo. If there was ever a phallic image to illustrate the joke, it was that one. I think we spent the next hour or so giggling to ourselves. I’m sure the comics thought they were amusing us adequately by the sounds of our howling wafting from the other side of the bar counter.

I don’t know where the one-liners come from. My brain just grabs a single word or concept from whatever is being said, and just throws my mouth into gear to implant a complete non sequitor to derail whatever is being discussed.

I wish I could bottle it, hehe.

Sunday Scribblings provides a prompt every Sunday.

Today I learned…

13-Jun-09

I’m not sure this is entirely smile-worthy but it’s surely worth mentioning; today I learned the term “Juggalo“–gotta keep hip with the youngsters, you know.

;P

Smiley Saturday invites one to share the things that made one smile.