13 Daydreams
13 Things about Zan:
13 daydreams that Zan has:
- Flying. I only remember twice in my life that I dreamed about flying. No wings, just telekinetic oomph. I soared giddily until I realized in my dream that flying doesn’t happen in the real world, and then the gravity of the situation, pardon the pun, got to me and I really had to strain to keep from crashing. Sometimes on the long car rides of my youth, I’d imagine myself soaring outside the window, darting barely over the tops of the trees. Amusingly, I never daydreamed this while it was raining.
- Owning/operating a business. I mentioned the bookstore I’d been noodling with the idea of actually pursuing. I have also flirted with the idea of other little things I could sell in a dinky tiny office: my art! Nothing but brine shrimp and their accessories (yes really)! A café. A bakery. A diner that is only open through the night, for those who work the third shift. I’d enjoy fielding the complaints that it wasn’t open during “normal” hours.
- Having a job. This unemployment thing got old about a week after it started. Eight months later, and still without assistance, I have somehow managed to have enough to eat (most of the time), and as ever, I continue to try to find something, anything, to get employed.
- Singing for money. I’ve yet to be brave enough to audition for things like singing the national anthem, or talent gigs around the city. I did upload some songs to a website to show the populace my voice, but nothing’s come of that. I’m unsure that I’m that good. People tell me I am, but my confidence needs work. But I do daydream of earning a modest income with my voice. I daydream auditioning for something big like America’s Got Talent, just to push myself to do something new and see what following a dream can do. A realistic part of this daydream is actually getting vocal lessons, as I would like to use my voice more professionally, get more volume out of it and such.
- Walking along the waterfront. I’ve walked along the waterfront three times now. I love being there, no matter what the weather, to people-watch, to enjoy something from a vendor, view the Willamette River (and try not to think of the grodey stuff in there), the occasional boat floating through, the bridges, and just walking. I’ve only been to the western side, never the eastern boardwalk.
- Driving. I want to be vehicularly mobile again, to travel to places nearby that I’ve been to once and yearn to again, and places that I’ve only heard about and desperately want to see. There are two destinations in particular that I need to visit, one being my hometown (where the druid and I both hail from), and that little town southwest of us, so that we can live in a small town again, and have jobs, and see new things together. I’d love to have a job doing deliveries, or errands, or simply having a big ass advertisement on the side of whatever I’m driving.
- Having the best relationship of my life. I’m actually experiencing that right now with my druid. I’m hoping it lasts for a long time. A lifetime. I daydream of being with him for the rest of our days.
- Owning more musical instruments. I own a keyboard, a flute, and a recorder. I have an unending need to hold an oboe in my hands. During high school, I dinked around with friends’ instruments: clarinet, trumpet, saxophone; I actually started on a snare drum but skipped that when faced with the social stigma of trying to lug around an instrument case as large as oneself. I’d also like to tackle the guitar and the dulcimer, if only to say that I did.
- Having more friends. Yes, I know that part of that whole friends thing is putting myself out there–if I spend my days locked in my room, then there’s no one to blame but myself for no one knowing that I exist. I have made small (miniscule) forays into being more social. I’m still shy around large groups, but I’d love to get to know more people one-on-one/two-on-one much better. Having employment and spending money at the various establishments around town will help, surely. I hope that in a small way, this blog helps too.
- Becoming a writer. Technically, I already am, not just because I’ve maintained a blog of one kind or another since 2001, but because I’ve been published in a couple things, among them fanzines and local publications. I’d like to publish a book. it’s a lofty goal as I don’t even have a story in mind, I don’t even know whether it’d be fiction or non-fiction yet. But I’d definitely love to try. I dabble at it with NaNoWriMo each November. I’ve “won” twice, with stories that came easily to me. The other times, my writing trickled off because I was trying to pull words out of my ass, and that’s never very appetizing.
- Pushing myself for what I want. Too many times, I’ve been faced with a decision on the scale of what Meryl Streep’s character faces during the “doe eye” scene of the movie Bridges of Madison County, and too many times I’ve chosen the path that leads not to what I want, but what I think I deserve. Of late I’ve realized how self-damaging that dichotomy is, for why shouldn’t I deserve what I want? I deserve what I can get. Of course, like Meryl Streep’s character, I would weigh what I want against what I have and am willing to sacrifice. There’s no easy answer to that one. And sometimes it’s only in hindsight that one realizes one made the wrong choice.
- Volunteering. There’s this cause I’ve always wanted to assist with, No One Dies Alone. Whether providing relief for existing family members who are waiting in vigil for a loved one to pass on, or the patient has no one to be there with him or her, a volunteer sits by the person’s bedside. The person might be conscious or unconscious, the topic of religion might come up, or the person may request something to be read or some sort of music be played. Sometimes the mere presence of another person in the room is solace enough. I’ve read comments by some who say that the spirit of this cause is flawed, that some prefer to be alone. The volunteer is only there because the family member requests it, or the hospital staff feels it’s of benefit to the patient. I think it’d be quite a sacred experience to be had.
- Owning a home. My need to nest runs deep. I’ve always cohabitated with someone, whether it was with family, or a roommate. I would like to experience a time in my life where only my (and the druid’s) things clutter the living space, when the food I buy for myself stocks the fridge, where I can entertain guests, lounge about, and feel that it is my (and the druid’s) space alone. A spark of independence and whim, if you will.
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Nice list!
Have you thought about trying voice-over work?
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