Lying
I’m watching a friend be greatly affected by a loved one’s lies. He learned just the other day that his handfasted girlfriend/fiancé had cheated on him, with the husband of a high school friend of his. The husband broke up his marriage over her, and she had eventually broken it off with my friend. She never told my friend why, only that she had a world to conquer and that she needed her freedom. My friend, who had no reason to doubt her, who trusted her as no one else, believed her, remained friends with her.
What’s most ridiculous about this is that my friend and his fiancé had an open relationship for a significant chunk of time, as they lived thousands of miles apart. Built in was the ability to be with whomever either of them wanted, without fear that it would impact the core relationship. There was no reason to cheat, as if she had merely communicated her want to be with someone, my friend would have been encouraging and supportive, and patient as he always is. But no, she started seeing this guy, keeping my friend in the dark, and 5-6 months later, broke it off with my friend. What the eff, over?
I don’t understand some of the reasons people lie. White lies like, “No, you don’t look fat in that,” or, “Sure, Grandma, your holiday ham was scrumptious this year,” is an effort to encourage the other party, even if one is not being entirely truthful. That, I can understand, even if I do not practice such myself. Rather, I distract with a related compliment. “I love the colors on that sweater,” and, “Wow, Grandma, these potatoes just melt in my mouth!”
I don’t differenciate between so-called “gray lies” (it only hurts a little) and “black lies” (full octane this-would-devastate-you), and I practice neither. It’s manipulative, and hurtful, and dishonest (duh), and a whole plethera of other bad things that I would never invoke on another.
I don’t pretend to be better than anyone else, but I’m self-aware enough to not consciously be untruthful to anyone.
My friend has learned to keep a sense of cynicism even in the most fervent relationship he had, or perhaps he has learned that anyone who identifies with the female gender is not to be trusted at all. I’d be annoyed if he chose the latter, grouping every woman into the category do-not-trust because of the actions of one.
I don’t get lying. It benefits no one, and eventually, the truth comes out, generally nuking everyone in its path. Why would anyone do that to another person, especially someone they promised the rest of their life to?
Bleah.
